Backpacking Across the Universe

So, I've been here for over 4 months now, and things have finally become boring. People have gotten used to their mundane routines, and no one wants to step out. Everyone has become the spokes of a wheel, ever in motion, always coming back to the same spot over and over again. Life is stupid. Life is restricting. I don't want to be part of it. I want to live free. I want to act free. I want to think free. I want to be free. And I want others to be free as well.
Last night I asked myself, what am I doing here? Why am I here? What am I getting out of being here? What is it that I really want? What is my purpose in life? Do I have a purpose in life, or is my existence pointless, just a gap to be filled in because we're all just extra's in this huge dramatization of life? I realized that I am doing absolutely nothing here. I sit on my arse and read books, play sports, and help de-weed fields. WOW. Isn't that going to make a difference to everyone and anyone? I realized that I don't want all this information. I want knowledge. It's true. But I don't want the garbage that they teach us in school, college, university, jobs. I want real knowledge. I want to know everything there isn't to know. I want to see everything we think we never will. I want to explore the depths of thought, space, sound, and sense. That is what I want to know. I have no desire to fill my head with 'knowledge' that so many people already know and have already classified. It's a waste of space, when we have everything that we will ever need in the palm of our hands in the form of microcomputers. I would rather that instead of moving through the blackness of the Unknown Thought, holding on far too much to our safety ropes, one of us just let go and took a bold stride into the darkness of beyond and spread the light. At the rate we're going, all we're doing is shooting a tiny beam of light into the vastness, and all that we recover is the infinitely miniscule part of it that blocks the beam. The part directly in front of it - nothing up, down, side to side, after and before it. We know too little, and at the rate that we're going, we'll never pierce this store room of everything that we will ever encounter. I just want to be a light beam and travel to the ends of the universe, and see everything I never will.
Another thing that has really pissed me off is this construct of life. We all live by a set of rules and regulations. Let’s call them restrictions, because that’s what they really are, after all. Society has taught us to think in a specific way, to talk in a specific way, to act in a specific way. Everyone I know just wants to get a good degree, get a good job and own a nice car, a big house and have a happy family. That is their idea of a happy existence. How mundane. Everyone wants to live in a cycle of safety. No one I know is willing to put a stick into the spoke and observe the motion then. No one I know wants to climb trees in the middle of the night with me for fun. No one I know wants to Dive into the pool when its freezing cold, just to see what its like. No one wants to surf the tsunami with me, just for the high. No one wants to stand up and think for themselves. Society has restricted itself from blossoming. We have stuffed ourselves into a box, and cramped our minds into cubes of restricted motion. The worst part of it all is the fact that people create pseudo-happiness when all they have to do is reject the rules. All we have to do is take ourselves out of the box that has been forced upon us for a minute, and we'll see how close-minded we have become. We live in a tiny system. Do you know why Microsoft keeps upgrading? ‘Cause there are flaws in the system. Every system has flaws, and that’s why we move onto a better system, with flaws of its own. With more complex, convoluted flaws, even less evident than the last, but present none-the-less. We need to destroy the system. We need to stop restricting ourselves with these metal constructs, that shouldn't even exist. Every time I meet people, there's always a few who laugh at me, think I'm weird. What they don't see is the fact that I'm outside their world. I am, quite literally, on my own plane. And that is how everyone should be. If we don't like it, then we can revert back, but otherwise what's the point of calling yourself open minded? One of my friends told me that this sounded like it was straight out of some play. What he doesn't know is the fact that we're all part of a huge performance. We are all just actors on a grand scale. Now if only you could walk off stage and into the audience, and watch it with me, you'd see. You'd see the truth. You'd see a more complete picture. What I want to know lies outside, but at this point of time, I can't make it there on my own. I need help. I need someone to come with me. I want someone to come with me. Someone who I can share my freedom with, someone who'll appreciate liberation from liberation as we see it. Someone who'll help me convince more people to take a bite out of this apple. I want someone to get up and walk out of the theatre with me. I wish to know what lies outside this theatre.
I wish to know the truth. I wish to dive, head-first, into the vastness of space, time, and the dimensions. Einstein once said that time was the 4th dimension. I wonder if that’s true. We have become masters of the 3 dimensions. Length, breadth, and height. We have frozen them, and move around in them freely. They are constant, and we move through them, forward and backward, up and down, from side to side. But what about time? Have we managed to control time? We have managed to understand it. Or have we? Is using time to co-ordinate our lives a proper understanding of time? Is it understanding at all? Or is it just usage without comprehension? The sun comes up and goes down every 100,000 times I breathe, so let’s call it something. The 25,00th time I breathe, I should eat a meal. Let’s call it lunch. Is that our 'understanding' of time? I think not. I believe that this is a dimension that we are yet to comprehend. There is more to time than we think. We do not control Time, Time controls us. It pushes us ever forward, despite our attempts to stay still. In order to believe we control it, we have sayings like, "I watched Time pass me by", as if we're a separate entity all-together. But that isn't true. We are all moved forward by this dimension, regardless of our orientation. We do not control this dimension - it controls Us. How does it control us? Is it, after all this, just a mental construct? Is it really a dimension? Have we created it from our imagination, and has it overrun us, like a wild child, and taken hold of the leashes we never knew were around our necks? Can thought create dimension? Can an electrical impulse being interpreted in a different way each time be a machine that churns out a new layer of reality? Or is it a pseudo-reality that we create around us, but that doesn't actually exist?

I want to know the truth. I want to know everything there isn't to know. I want to travel the universe and see everything I know I never will. I want to catch the twinkling of an eye, and put it in a box, and open it every time I want. I want to grab every star from the sky, make a necklace out of it, and give it to the one I love. I want o shoot up and down over to the other side of the rainbow. I want to view the cycle of a star, and drink the milky-way. I want to open Pandora's-box, and know everything. I want to unleash reality upon myself. I want to meet aliens, and communicate with them. I want to gain another's perspective without having an opinion on it. I want to turn the earth inside out, and have a steam bath in the molten crust. In want to bend time, and travel till I see every major event first hand, and create my own understanding of history. I want to go as far as all the money in my pocket will take me, and walk from there. I want to go backpacking across the depths of space, time, and mathematics. I want to find myself in a champagne supernova in the sky. Catch me if you can, I'll meet you at Me.

Breakfast In Bed

Its college time again, and life is proceeding at a really quick pace, what with assignments to submit, plays to rehearse, people to talk to, and music to play. Not that I have managed too many of the afore-mentioned activities, but yeah, life is still hectic. Now if you (or I) think that this life is a bit hectic, you have got to see the stress that my second years have to take on an everyday basis. They still have university applications going on, and are getting replies from univs this month and the next. On top of that, they have to submit mid-term essays, world-lit papers, extended essays, and innumerable assignments. Then, as Theatre Week approaches with ever-increasing speed, they have to direct and/or act in their plays, and ensure that they run smoothly. All in all, it is a maddening cycle that they go through each weekday and weekend.
Some of you might know Savina, a really good friend of mine, ever since we were 4 or so. She's here as well, in her second year, and hasn't been spared of this ordeal. You could see, after the first two weeks, that she was taking way too much stress. She looked tired and de-motivated, and thoroughly stressed out. You could see that she wasn't exactly happy anymore, so Deeksha and I decided that we'd do something to make her Sunday a little special. We decided that we'd cook her breakfast in bed. So, the whole week we went about figuring out just what she'd enjoy for breakfast, and made a list. Then, on Saturday, I went to Pune, and we bought everything for the meal. I got sausages, cooking chocolate, Ceres fruit juice, eggs, butter, cheese, and strawberries and cream. When I got back, we decided the menu. It was going to be Sausages and a double sunny-side-up masala egg, along with sliced tomatoes and grapes. There was going to be strawberries, and a huge goblet of Red Grape Juice. And, to top it off, mum gave me the idea of making her Chocolate Truffle!!
So, Saturday night I stayed up till 12:30 and made the chocolate Truffle liquid, poured it in a nice yellow bowl, and set it in the freezer to cool. I then covered it with chocolate shavings and two strawberries to give it that finishing touch. It looked really neat, all swirled with the light and dark chocolate mixes in it. Then, I got up Sunday morning at 7:30, and woke Deeksha up. Together we washed all the other items, and proceeded to make the masala egg, and the sausages. We borrowed a plate, a tray, and cutlery from the cafeteria, and we borrowed this HUGE blue goblet from Tom (god-alone knows why he has it) and proceeded to cook everything. After about an hour and a half of going back and forth procuring a non-stick pan, olive oil, and various other minute details that completed the picture, we had Savina's meal ready. Just as we were setting it all up on the tray, though, she ended up walking towards the common room. So Deeksha went and distracted her in her room, as I proceeded to pour out the crimson grape juice into the goblet. All was ready, and I took the tray to Savina
's house, and we then presented her with her "Breakfast-In-Bed" (fanfare et al).
She was really thrilled. After 10 days we finally saw her face light up, and you could sense the happiness surging through her again. She proceeded to demolish the food without furthur ado, and drank the grape juice like it was wine.... hehe... I found that so silly, but so cute none-the-less!! She is an angel. By the end of it, she seemed almost entirely rejuvinated, stuffed till her eyeballs were popping out, and with a huge grin on her face.

It was a brilliant experience for me as well. I don't know why, but seeing her so happy just seemed to make my day as well. I guess sometimes when you see someone you really care about feeling such happiness, it infects you too, and it keeps you going for the rest of the day. I seem to have noticed this a little, here and there - there are moments where Savina's joy just drifts into me, and I can't help but smile for the rest of the day. I think its people like her that really make life worth living. I just hope that I have people like that in my life forever!!


(Gracias, Savinita!!)

Fire!!

We had a fire yesterday, and it scorched internet hill, where our internet facilities are. However, we got our beaters and our denims and shirts and fought the fire from 11 to 2 in the afternoon. The fire spread for over 5 square kilometers, and it was on lots of flatland, mountainous terrain, as well as slush fields, making it really hard to control. We managed to put most of it out on the flatlands and slush-fields, but the mountainous terrain was really hard. We had to climb about 500 meters on a slippery, 30 degree incline, with the harsh sun beating down on us, and the fire popping up in the most inaccessible of places. As we reached the top, our beaters started to break, leaving us with many fighters, but not much equipment. As Havi(er) and I took our turns with the beaters to put out a small fire near his feet, the wind suddenly picked up, and the flames shot up to over 2 meters. Havi was close e to the fire, so he jumped to the other side. I, however, was a bit further into the ire, and had nowhere to go. So I turned and began to back out. Just then, the wind picked up even more, and I was caught in the middle of the flames. I threw my beater and ran for my life, with my hand on fire. I had, by now, breathed in an impressive amount of soot, and was barely able to breathe. As soon as I was out of the fire, Amiya came to help me recover, poured water over my hand and face, and generally looked over me to make sure I wasn’t in any major harm. She is so sweet...!! I walked down to the med, where I showered, and then the doctor treated my urns with ointment. As a result, I have a smooth right arm, and I have a little place on my head where my eyebrow and hair burnt themselves of. It looks really funny if you notice it... hehe... aside from that, things are ok, we saved internet hill, and now we have a 5 kilometer fire-wall 'protecting' us from future fires. This just means that we have no greenery to look at from campus outside... hehe... but that’s ok. Our internet is still up, no one is in any mortal peril, etc. etc. etc. things are good!!!


I love the fire service!!!

Life. In General.

OK. This is either gonna be one helluva long post, or nothing at all, or I might give up midway. But here goes!!

OK, since I got back on campus, things ahve been all opver the place. It's been less than 2 weeks, and a cycle just got over, than I have had huge highs, and a lot of horse-latitude days, as well as these dark spots indicating my lows. The Latter, posted by out pricipal to most of us - some believe at random - to our parents had caused some serious upheaval at home. Man, the last day or two there was so much tension in the iar, to use a cliche, that you could cut it with a knife. I was pretty sure that the longer I stayed at home, the higher my chances of getting into some serious horse poo-poo. Luckily, I was leaving the day after The Letter. Which is a very, very good thing, in my mindm and in the minds of the other relatively non-extremist eople involved.
Then, when I got back on campus, things were really good. I met my friends, we went to Paud, and we were generally in high spirits (no pun intended). Then, over the course of a couple of days, things were fairly in the doldrums, and then, alluva sudden, our high flying hearts (and at times, bodies) momentum came to an abrupt standstill. And then I crashed. There were 2 days of utter agony, emotional upheaval, chaos, paranoia, and the fear that comes with a sense of being totally lost in a place very familiar to you. I still do not know how I passed time during those 2 days, except for a vague notion of twisting and turning around in my bed, fighting all the imaginary demons of my nightmares. All of a sudden, they froze, and suddenly melted into the soft yellow light falling through my window. I was non-pulsed. Then, a sudden wave of heart-warming joy filled my senses. I could see again. In an instant I had been transformed from a bedraggled slave to a sailor cruising the high seas.
Everyone suddenly appeared so cheerful and bright. Things were back to their usual euphoric high, and life was settling down. Then came the confrontation. I had had a quarrel with a friends of mine sometime back, and we had a bad breakup. However, she helped me sort it out, and we were back to being friends again over the course of Christmas. We left each other on a high note, and I called her for her birthday at home, and I couldn't wait to meet her when she got back. As the dayn arrived, I decorated her room with red and white balloons, and left her a present also in white, with a red card. Not that I know why I've written that detail. It seems most unnecessary. When she came back, however, things just seemed to ahve changed within a fraction of a millisecond. I met her, and she didn't look all that pleased to see me, acting quite stiff. This, unfortunately for me, was a sad state of occourance. I gave up on her after a minute, and she just walked away. Throughout the course of the week, however, I realiseed that it was only me going to make an effort to talk to her, be with her, do things for her, and it got to me. Physically as well as mentally, I got annoyed that I was the one putting in all my effort into what was turning out to be a seemingly pointless endeavour. So I decided to just not talk to her - after all, if she really wanted to be friends, she'd have to make some kind of effort as well. The miserable part about that, was the fact that I had no desire to NOT talk to her. After all, i9t was and (I hope) always will be a pleasure to talk to her. So I deflatedly gave up on that plan, and talked to her about it, getting a not so convincing answer. However, I also decided that I let my emotions take way too much control of me, and that I am not going to let them get in my way ever again.
After that, things got a lot better. Not just event wise,. but her and I have also been on good terms with each other, and its become almost entirely like the good times! Again, my social life is going all guns blazin', my academic life is commendable - not perfect, but commendable - and I seem to be taking care of my health, amongst all the other things that make up a happy lifestyle. I seem satisfied, with a huge parcel containing an impressive stash of munchies, pasta, chips, and other assorted foodstuffs, arriving a couple of days ago. I have given up bad habits that I had got into over here, and I am pleased with the pace of my life. Things are, good, and I thank my imaginary God for that. After all, what else is God for, other than to thank for every little thing that aids your survival?

We (NOTE: with no accurate references to anyone that can be identified) got some nice wine, and we're going to have a toast. "To ourselves. For the good life!!"

Things That I write on the Back of Letters To My Friend Ragini

After our brief meeting I guess you know
I grew quite fond of you
And somehow I get the feeling that
You grew fond of me too.

Our time was short - nay, it was nil
Yet we till kept in touch
You brought me quite some joy
So thank you very much!

But fate, it seemed, had other plans
for both you and me
And tore apart our little bond
Into Infinity.

But I, for one, do not believe
In fate or destiny
Or maybe I guess I just
Enjoyed your company!

So here I am in the mountains now
Writing you this ode
And I guess I'll just deliver it
To your comfy abode.

I do hope that you read
This little rhyme I wrote
Cause otherwise my effort could always go
Into feeding a mountain goat.

I also hope that just like me
You really feel the same
Or even if you'd not forget
Me or my name.

Speaking of which, I have to ask
In Delhi, what to do?
Cause later on I might come back
For maybe day or two.

I think its time to stop
Writing or I'll go on forever
Talking to you in inane were
That isn't very clever.

- Aveek Katiyar 25 Oct '05

It's finally here!!

Hey everybody! This is the third time that I am writing this, because the first two times I was either too lazy to finish writing this, or the computer lost its power before I could complete this. This, however, is going to be my last and final attempt to write my blog. Not that this is going too well, cause I’m bloody high right now, so… hehe… just kidding, dad!
Anyways, thee thing with this place is that one has got to be able to balance his life and his academics rather precisely, so as to actually do well in these quizzes that Arno (my physics teacher from the Netherlands) gives us from time to time. Now, I have been slacking away all of my time, and nothing much seems to have happened to me. It’s a bit strange, actually. Not that I am complaining. The thing is, I now have so much free time and have absolutely no idea what to do with it. I haunt Wada 4, house 9 and 11. Which has led people to the conclusion that I have a teensy weensy crush on someone in the house. Not to say that it isn’t true, but that’s not the real reason that I’m in that house. I really like the people there, and I like to spend time with ALL of them, not just that One.
But now that that issue has been solved, lets move on.
I am sitting next to the hottest girl on campus and writing this particular paragraph. Which implies that I am on a laptop – "What laptop?" You ask? Well, it’s an iBook G4!!! That’s what it is!! Yeah!! Now there’s this insane problem that I have (yes, this is a blog entry mainly about problems and how I deal with them – or don’t.) – is that i know way too many people here, and it’s just that I don’t seem to have enough close friends here. Actually I do, but I don’t feel entirely secure about this stuff. Thing is, if Annabelle stops being so close to me anytime, I feel that I will be a bit hit. I have become rather attached to that girl. She is an absolutely wonderful person, is always there to talk to, and I always feel easy and calm around her. Also Chris, who I am planning to room with next year.
Another thing that I have to do is mail my parents and my sister, who have been missing me! For real!! This is soooooo cool! I never thought that was possible… hehe… however, I am way too lazy to haul my ass from my Wada to the AQ and to sit there and write a mail to the three of them, so… so guess that this blog will have to do.
Mum, dad, Mithila, if you guys come across this, consider this your letter:
Hey guys!! Wassup?? Things here are going great, as usual. I am actually managing to manage (haha!! Sorry, I just thought that was funny…) my time here. And hence, things are actually going more smoothly again. I have stopped bunking my classes, and have found that my time table is pretty cool after all, and have made peace with getting up at 7:00 four times a week and hauling my as to the 1st block I have. Of all the subjects, I think that Spanish is the coolest, followed by psych and then Physics (yeas, you heard that right, I LOVE PHYSICS!!!!!). The thing with the physics class is that I have got the coolest teacher that there is, and the class is pretty much a self-taught class. He goes too fast for anyone to figure out what the hell is going on, but he heaps us with homework, and if you do it (which I have never quite managed just yet) you will be able to solve all the problems that he gives you. However, I still get away with everything I do over there. It kinda reminds me of the class with Mrs. Benjamin, where I’d walk in and diss Arjun for the entire class. Here I walk in ten minutes late, sit down in the middle of an important explanation, and say, “Hi Arno!” loudly. And what does he respond with? He looks at me, puts the marker down, bursts into a little chuckle and says, “Hello, Aveek…” and then proceeds to explain the problem as if nothing happened. Then, I ask for my quiz, and it turns out that I beat Rohan (who is the class genius) again, and he was really bitter about it. So he rechecks my marks, and turns out that Arno has given me a mark too many. So just to piss Rohan off 9 (and to see what my luck is like) I told Arno that I had one mark less than he’d given me, and so, for being so honest, could I have one mark more? And HE GAVE IT TO ME!!!!!!! And that pissed Rohan off even more!! For the rest of the class he was cursing me under his breath. And hen I started drawing cars, and I did nothing for the rest off class, and had so much fun, and Arno had no problem with me what so ever!! Hah!! So awesome!!
Well, that’s it for the time being – I’m in my English class, and I have some work to do right now, so… I’ll catch you guys in a bit. And I promise to finish the rest of this the next time ‘round…
Peace.

Taken A Gamble

I finally got p*ss*d off with work at the garage.

*SHOCK* *SURPRISE*

Well, the thing was that I just got absolutely no new ideas, no new procedures, no nothing from there, except taking the cars out every morning and parking them (a total movement behind the wheel of 10 meters each). The only thing tat kept me going there for a couple of weeks was the awesome sound of the twin exhausts of the Volkswagen Beetle, more commonly known as the Bug. That, and the cheery (and somewhat mad-cap) conversations I'd have with the mechanics there... It was an interesting experience the first time around, but this was O.D.ing on the stuff, so I gave up on it.

Just as I thought life will become interesting with all the free time on my hands (3 weeks) dad drops a bomb-shell on me... Damned again!! He told me that he was talking to Anu - a friend and colleague of his from his days at Indya.com, when we first shifted here - and she needed some help with some desk work at her newly set-up office. While all this was fine, he, uh, "quietly", dropped my name and general joblessness into the conversation, and so she said "Why don't you send him over to work for me? That way he can use his 3 weeks".
I really don't mind, but I wanna be with my friends, who are, of course, jobless till next weekend. I've taken a gamble, saying that in a week, everyone will be coming back at the same time as me, so I may as well go for work. Thing is, I realized yesterday (which was my first day at work, by the way) that while we can all meet up in the evenings, I have a HUGE friend network who I gotta say bye to in this city, and even though the job is 5 days a week, I wanna meet Diya during the weekends, so I have no time left to meet everyone else at all... Bummer.
So here's my battle plan - for 2 outta the 3 weeks I'm gonna work my butt off, show Anu that I'm a great worker and I will finish whatever work she assigns to me (the very nature of which, everyone knows, is utterly boring, but it cant be helped, I guess...) and hence (I hope) will make her say YES quite easily when I ask her if I can take the last week off to meet my friends an all. If necessary, I'll even take some work home and finish it. That's the price that I'm willing to pay to properly say bye to certain people. I'm crazy. Don't ever hire me...!!! OK, I'm kidding. Please do hire me when I need a job, money, a place to stay, a feeling of belonging, and all that jazz.

So there's my gamble. Just gotta see if it really works out. Feel free to guide/cajole/correct/destroy my thoughts and strategies.

Oh, and if you post, do leave your name so I can thank/curse you, depending on the final outcome of the situation.
Till then, I look forward to your views on my super-complex-yet-simple life...!!