Introspection

Lately, I've been assessing most of my actions after I do them, and sometimes, on specific topics, my thoughts. I keep wondering if I'm doing something to please someone, or to try and put forward an image thtas not me, or if its something genuine. I really can't decide between whats real an genuine, and whats pseudo. Or maybe I just don't want to. Chances are that I don't want to own up to these secrets that I have, that I'm sure are harmless, but that I'm afraid o tell anyone anyways.
Sometimes when I look back, another rather interesting question pops into my mind. On assessing an action/thought that, as far as I knew was not me, it struck me that in my effort to project something that I was not, maybe, just maybe, I had adapted to that particular action, and it came so much more freely to me now... that it had become a part of me now, that it was not after all, pseudo.
There are many instances of such introspection. The most common would, of course, be the way one feels about someone else. Take, for example, a loved one, like a close friend. When they are somewhere else, but still in communication with you, 'formalities'(for lack of a better word) are exchanged. Things like,"I miss you". It is said without giving it a second thought. But think again, and more often than not, you'll realise that you were doing perfectly fine before, during and after that call, not in the least bothered by the fact that that person was so far away at that poin of time.
Another analysis of feelings would be when you say you love someone. Now I'm sure that this one is gonna be hotly contested, but I believe that before you do actually love someone for who they are, you 'love' them for some physical/material(? again, I'm not too sure I got the right word) reason. You want to be with that someone so that you can show off - or just be proud of the fact - that you got someone with that quality that no one else did. Sure, as you grow older, more perspectives filter the reasoning and choices of love - not to mention everthing else - that you encounter. Bt until then, you are still evolving, so to speak.
When you look inside(or even just below the surface, depending on how shallow you are) you will - no, might - realise that you could 'love' someone because no one else seems to want to be with you, and as you get more and more desperate for that attention, you turn to people who (probably) have some sort of inkling of the same feeling for you - or worse, in your desperation, you turn to those that don't. (Hey, this is not specifically pointed at anyone, its just a generalizaion of my analysis. Its a very small analysis, I admit, so there are bound to be many more variables and factors contributing, but as far as I have reached, these seem to be it...)
Another analysis of thought and action is something that everyone seems to do, but you can't. At least not well.But over time, depending on your deire to master it, it becomes a part of you, if even slightly. Take, for example, dancing. I have a friend (not to be named for reasons of privacy and to be saved some embarassment) wh was really conscius of himself. All he wanted to do was dance, but he was just rythmically impaired. Its not like it was his fault - all his moves were jerky, forced, and unsure. People never said anything to him as they didn't want to hurt his feelings, but he knew anyway. For years he'd just dance to be a part of the music, because he was really deeply into the music itself, and over-time, he became less 'impaired'. He could dance, at least a few twists, turns, slides and waves, with much more ease, comfort and confidence. None-the-less, whenever he did it, he became conscious, and would think,"Look at me, I'm trying this to be cool. This is not who I am. I can't dance." Until one day he realised that it WASN"T who he WAS, it was what he had BECOME. He had grown into it, and now it was no longer a pseudo action, no longer forced, unless he thought o it that way.

It's extremely interesting to do this introspection, especially about small, seemingly insignifican thoughts that you'd not give a second glance otherwise. Especially if you're in the middle of an extremely boring Chemistry class, and are caught up thinking about what you'll be, and who you'll be.
Tell me what you guys come up with.